so jesska

the past few days ive been in hyperchill mode. not sad or in a bad mood or anything im used to feeling. i guess thats why i been layin low doin my own thing instead of gettin into some shit i usually jump at the opportunity for. dipped into some new shit. listened to hella music. think write sleep. i dont really feel like myself right now maybe im pushin being antisocial or grasping a lil independence or maybe gettin the best of both worlds.  maybe im missing out but under these circumstances i actually dont mind and im surprisingly content with how my time was spent.

after having a week off for presidents days i find my body and mind exhausted to the max. i thought id get a lot relaxation down time to myself but who am i kidding… its me. i work hard and i play harder. i was spoiled and took a mini vacay all around the bay and it was just nonstop madness! overall i had hella fun out there tho met some cool new people caught up with old friends and did some things i havent done in a long time. i genuinely enjoyed myself for the most part. honestly it didnt exactly end the way i thought it would and theres def some things i need to think about and will deal with in due time. but right now i just wanna sleep and mentally and physically prepare myself for a full work week ahead… goodnite!

this is a time for me to evaluate my faith and life choices. we are taught “rules” of fasting and sacrifice for the next 40 days which i believe in to some extent but more importantly i believe that it should reflect my personal relationship with God. i hope to not just give something up for lent for Him but also strive toward eliminating negativity in my life for good for me. there are certain things that are unnecessary or excessive that obviously hurt me and then there are other things that i have been neglecting for too long that would only benefit me. its a balancing struggle that i face along with the goal to be happy and healthy that im not exactly sure how to achieve yet.